It's Thanksgiving

I woke up early this morning, not because I had to get a turkey in the oven or had a lot of cooking to do, but because I just woke up thinking about today.

I am spending today at my mother-in-law's, a home that has welcomed me since I was in college and arrived weekends with my laundry. Betty has welcomed me as a daughter from day one. I am so thankful for that. Twenty-three years later is it still a place of comfort and home. What a blessing!

My mom and sister are spending today (well, this entire week) at my aunt and uncle's house. I remember many delicious Thanksgiving meals at my aunt's house, fires crackling in each fireplace, old farmhouse holidays at its finest. But not this year. My mom's sister Sue has Alzheimer's and her husband is in failing health. It is time for them to move into an assisted living home, a choice that was not easy to make for either of them. Today will not be a day filled with the smells of cooking and sounds of family. Instead, my aunt will ask the same questions again and again, becoming more angry as her anxiety rises. My uncle will try to pack and prepare for their move tomorrow. My mom and sister will try to help both of them as they make this transition. I am thankful that my aunt and uncle will soon be living in a safer place where they can truly find rest and care. I am also thankful that my mom and sister are able to be there with them.

With my mom and sister busy ministering and caring for Sue and Billy, my dad is home by himself today. He said he had several invitations to Thanksgiving dinner but will likely stay home in the quiet. He will enjoy some smothered venison steak and watch football at his leisure. I am thankful that he is able to enjoy today, that he will have food he loves and a comfortable chair to sit in.

Soon, this home will be filled with cousins and other relatives. More noise than than our ears can handle. More movement and crowd and joy and fellowship. More food and food and food. We are blessed with family, blessed with God's provisions, blessed with love. This year, I am so aware of how different it could be, and I thank God for what he has given me.

Thank you, Lord, for saving my soul.
Thank you, Lord, for making me whole.
Thank you, Lord, for giving to me
Thy great salvation so rich and free.
Amen.

Middle School :(

P1 started middle school this year. He cries more than my 4 year old these days.

"I'm horrible. I keep goofing up. I'm stupid. I can't do this. I hate the bus. I'm no good."

Today's trigger ... he was 40 minutes late getting home, and I was concerned (okay, near frantic). He walked in the door about a minute before I was going to start driving the streets looking for him. When he saw my worry, he fell apart. He thought he told me that he was staying after for Recycle Club. Maybe he did. Among all the details of my day, he could have said it and I missed it.

So, what's going on? Is it low blood sugar? Is it the extra long day? Is it the bus? Is it hormones? Is it the extra pressure of GT classes? Is it ... WHAT? What is it? And how can I fix it?

Please. I'm struggling with this. It hurts so much to see him down. I want him to see how great he is. I want him to remember that he is a child of God. A precious treasure. An insanely smart kid, with great gifts and talents. And I don't know how to convince him of his worth, his value, his ability to excel in his schooling.

And I'm praying. Probably more than I have since he was born. Praying that God's truths will pour into his mind and heart. Praying that the demons that whisper this doubt and self-loathing in his ear are bound and gagged in the power of Jesus' name. Praying that I have wisdom and strength and patience and courage to help him through this time.

I just want him to know he is enough and God is enough for him.

It's My Birthday.

It's my birthday, and it seems like there should be something more to say. The truth is, this has not been my favorite day. My body turned on me, after days of feeling pretty good. And while already feeling a little down, some family drama cropped up.

I wish I knew how to be confrontational and clearly state my issues/needs/boundaries without the other person getting mad. I don't guess it's possible with two weak, fallible human beings involved. Conflict is inevitable. Feelings will be hurt. Hearts broken. Will she really hear what I am saying? Will I hear her?

So ... it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to ...

Dad Camp Amazing Race 2012

We went to The Villages at Fairview/Allen today for Dad Camp.

I printed the pdf of the maps of The Villages off the internet and fastened them in a file folder labeled DAD CAMP CONFIDENTIAL and TOP SECRET. P1 (11 years old) was the keeper of the map.

I printed a picture clue for each stop, and the kids took turns opening the clues. If the child that opened it couldn't figure it out, the siblings helped and we gave hints if necessary. Once they knew where, P1 found it on the map and told DH how to get there.

Once we arrived at the destination, the same child that opened the clue opened the challenge for that location and read it to us. Sweet P needed some help reading hers, but she did well on the sight words and her brothers were very encouraging as they helped her.

Because we were out until 2 am this morning at the drive-in movie, we kept it pretty short & simple, but the great thing is there is so much to do at The Villages this could be as long a day as you wanted.

Clue 1 - Cabella's

The Challenge - Find an animal that lives in:

- the mountains

- the desert

- the water

- the prairie

- the jungle

- the savannah

- the arctic

- the forest

There really are just all kinds of animals at Cabela's. It was a fun indoor activity on a hot day.

Clue 2 - Toys R Us

The Challenge - You have 15 minutes to find a small gift ($5-10) for your sibling. P1 for Sweet P, P2 for P1, and Sweet P for P2.

There was a little bit of lecturing, esp to the 6 yr old, that this is not about you. It's about thinking about your brother/sister and what you know they like. You have to trust that your brother/sister knows you well enough to pick something great. And they all did. :)


Clue 3 - Whole Foods

The Challenge - Pick a weird food to try tonight at dinner.

We came home with papaya, Santa Claus melon, mini bananas, a lemon, a odd squash, and a donut peach. Yum.


Clue 4 - Ice Cream

No challenge this was the reward for the day. So much fun!

With Wings as Eagles

Somebody lift me up

Cause I feel like I’m drowning

I know God is strong enough

And I know I am not

I know He could not love me more

He could not love me less

But I feel so lost

So tired

So weak

So weary

Do you see it?

Do you hear me?

I would give anything

To take my child’s pain away

For all the love I feel for him

For all the heartbreak at his hurt

I know You love him more

You cannot love him less

He is not lost

I will not grow weary

I will trust in the Lord

His Joy is my strength

His Word is my lamp

Faith is my shield

I will wait on the Lord

And renew my strength

I will run and not grow weary

I will walk and not faint

I will soar with wings as eagles

In tears I will find His Joy

In weakness I will find His Strength

In the quiet stillness

I will know He Is God

42

I’m turning 42 this week. Don’t understand how this has happened, as I’m sure I graduated from college a couple of years ago. I’m sure I just got married, and surely P1 was just born a few months ago.

Yet, here it is my birthday, and more than ever before, I am feeling and seeing the effects of the aging process. DH & I had our picture made a month ago, and I was shocked to see the middle aged couple looking back at me in the picture. Good grief, my hip is actually hurting this week. Did it just feel the need to remind me I’m getting old? No need, the 10 year old reminds me on a weekly basis.

Other evidence of my age – the reading glasses that are necessary to read anything actually printed on paper (one of the reasons I prefer reading on my phone, iPad or Kindle); the fact that I prefer wearing shoes to going barefoot; the gray streak that would be visible in my hair if I didn’t pay a lovely young woman to color it on a much more regular basis.

There is also the assortment of goo necessary to keep my skin from falling to the ground or wrinkling into deep crevices. Seriously, there is the morning face lotion, the evening face lotion, the eye cream, the hand cream, the foot lotion, the cream that fades the stretch marks and age spots, the cream that lessens the appearance of cellulite (I’m not sure that one works, but I’m afraid to stop using it in case it does), and the general body lotion. Oh, and sunscreen, of course there’s sunscreen.

But then, there is the good stuff about getting old. I feel generally more grounded, more at peace than any other time in my adult life. I love my husband more, so much more than I did 20 years ago when I married him. We have grown closer in the last couple of years that I could have dreamed possible.

I have a greater understanding of God’s grace. Better said, I have an understanding of God’s grace. I’m sure I didn’t get it at all as a younger person.

I have three kids that all came in the last decade. At 30, I had no idea if we would ever have kids. At 40, I sat in amazement at how God had grown our family. I have the calm and flexibility that only comes with mothering.

I have gained more friends – true, God-loving, all giving, amazing friends – than I could possibly deserve. I hope that I give back to each of them the blessings they give to me.

I am at a point in life where I can look back and smile, even laugh, and where I can look forward with confidence and joy. I have survived tragedy and triumph, mundane and extraordinary, the roller coaster of life. And I am standing strong. Strong in faith. Strong in love. Strong in life.

Blessed, I am so very, very blessed.

Can we all agree ... no more Mommy Guilt?

If I had one message for moms ... stop feeling guilty. I see it everywhere. Moms seem to be trapped in a life of "should have's," feeling like they don't measure up, like they are failing at the greatest and most challenging job on earth - raising our kids.

I saw it in my own mom. When I went off to college, my mom gave me a letter apologizing for her failure as a mother. I couldn't believe it. How had she failed? Here I was at college, on an academic scholarship. I graduated from high school with honors and perfect attendance. I became a Christian when I was six. As I went to college, I was an active member of a new mission church (thot would become one of the most influencial churches in America). I had friends. I had enough self-confidence to go to college out of state.

The truth is, I thought that somehow I was a disappointment to her, if she thought she was a failure as a mother. Was my mom a failure? By no means. But the guilt she felt over not being the "perfect" mom, overshadowed her whole mothering experience, robbing her of mony joyous moments motherhood can bring.

I knew as a young woman, a young mom, I didn't want to have that mindset. But how do you avoid it?

Almost as soon as the child arrives, you start comparing him to other babies. I gave birth to my first child the same week two of my other friends gave birth to their first borns. There was plenty to compare and contrast.

As toddlerhood approached, I wondered if my floors would ever be clean again (ever step on a Goldfish cracker or a Froot Loop?). Was I spending enough time with my child? Was I doing the right things with/for my child? Was it okay that he always crawled under the table when we went out to eat? The mommy guilt can set in very quickly.

Add two more kids to the mix ... and I know my floors will never be clean. And that's OKAY.

More on this later ... my kids are calling me to play Wii. And I'm starting to feel guilty for spending time on the computer rather than playing with them.

My Christmas Book Library

Special books that come out of storage only a Christmas time is one of my favorite Christmas traditions. My mom did this for us as children, and I think I've taken it to the extreme.

After sharing a few of my favorite Christmas books with some ladies recently, they asked if I had others I'd recommend. Do I ever!

Hope you find a new favorite on the list. And if you have a favorite I don't list, share it with me please. I'm always looking for new additions.

THE CHILDREN'S CHRISTMAS BOOKS

Classics:
The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clark Moore
The Poky Little Puppy's First Christmas by Justine Korman
It's his first Christmas, but Poky already shows true Christmas spirit.
The Sweet Smell of Christmas by Patricia Scarry
A Scratch & Sniff book, where Little Bear smells Christmas is on the way.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Suess

The True Meaning of Christmas:
The Cripple Lamb by Max Lucado
A beautiful story of a lonely lamb who discovers the purpose and place God has for him.
The Story of Christmas by Patricia A Pingry
A terrific board book with the basic story of the first Christmas.
My Christmas Stocking (Filled with God's Love) by Crystal Bowman
A simple board book explaining the tradition of St. Nick and stockings.
Who is Coming to Our House? by Joseph Slate
The animals prepare for Mary and Joseph to arrive at the stable and welcome Baby Jesus.
God Gave Us Christmas by Lisa Tawn Bergen
Mama Bear takes Cub on a walk to find the real meaning of Christmas.
The First Christmas by Carol Heyer
Beautiful, realistic illustrations and the telling of the Christmas Story.
The Newborn King by Gaylyn Williams
Eight short devotions about Christmas with a memory verse for each day and a prayer, song or activity to do together.
Do You See What I See ... by Sandi Gore Evans and Amanda Evans
A lonely snowman and his animal friends follow the star to find Baby Jesus.
Mortimer's Christmas Manger by Karma Wilson
A little mouse moves into the family's nativity scene moving all the figurines out of the way, but when he hears the story of Baby Jesus, he makes room for the Baby.
What Nick and Holly Found in Grandpa's Attic by Melody Carlson
Nick and Holly find unique treasures in the attic and Grandpa uses each one to teach them truths about Christmas.
One Wintry Night by Ruth Bell Graham
Probably the most beautifully written and illustrated telling of the Christmas story. She starts with Adam and Eve and the reason Christmas was needed in the first place.
The Legend of the Christmas Tree by Rick Osborne
The Legend of the Candy Cane by Lori Walburg

Other Favorites:
The Secret Santa of Olde Stonington by Mark Kimball Moulton
A mysterious man shows up in a struggling seaside community and makes all the difference at Christmastime.
Mouse's First Christmas by Lauren Thompson
A cute simple story full of the images of Christmas.
The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg
Do you believe in the magic of Christmas?

For Older Kids:
The Christmas Cross by Max Lucado
A man goes on a trip in search of information about his birthmother. He discovers the truth of Christmas, God's love and redemption.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson
The Light at Tern Rock by Julia L. Sauer
While taking care of a lighthouse during the Christmas season, a boy and his aunt offer their best to Christ.
The Drummer Boy by Ted Dekker
In a future where Christmas is no longer spoken of, a boy finds the original little drummer boy's drum and cannot be silenced as he plays the drum for Christ.
The Spyglass and The Christmas Candle by Richard Paul Evans

MY CHRISTMAS BOOKS

Must Read Every Christmas:
Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado
Christmas from Gabriel's point of view. AMAZING.

Fun/Touching Christmas Fiction:
The Autobiography of Santa Claus; How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas; The Great Santa Search by Jeff Guinn
Full of history and lessons on Christmas traditions, Santa tells his real story in this set of books.
The Christmas Tree by Julie Salamon
A story about finding the Christmas tree for Rockefeller Center. In his search, the man finds so much more.
The Christmas Wish by Richard Siddoway
A mystery full of Christmas love.
All of Richard Paul Evans' books

Books about/full of Christmas Traditions:
The ADVENTure of Christmas by Lisa Whelchel
Lisa explains the Christian significance behind all our Christmas traditions
The Little Big Book of Christmas Edited by Lena Tabori
A collection of all things Christmas
A Family Christmas by Caroline Kennedy
Another compellation of songs, stories, poems, etc. that celebrate Christmas.

One word makes such a difference.

As a mom of biological and adopted children, I have winced at the question, "Are they all yours?" Yes, they are all mine. God always knew they would be my children. God always knew DH & I would be their parents. He always knew exactly what our family would look like. He always knew that adoption is the greatest thing ever.

I grew up in church. Became a Christian at the age of six. I understood my sinful nature and Christ's sacrifice to redeem me. I knew the price that was paid, and I knew that I was an adopted child of God. But I did not know the power of ADOPTION until we adopted our two youngest.

Did you know that in biblical times, a father could disown his biological children, leaving them nothing, giving no blessing, but by law, he was not allowed to disown an adopted child. Adoption is serious, life-long commitment of love ... LIFE-LONG.

So, now we get down to that "one word," and it's not "adoption" although that one word does make a world of difference.

P1 is participating in Bible Drill this year through our church. They memorize the NIV version of their Bible verses. A challenge sometimes for this mom that learned her verses in King James as a child.

This last week's verse was John 3:16. What a great verse to have at the start of the Christmas season! And he quoted the NIV version: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

I think this version of this verse must hurt God's heart. His one and only son? I know for a fact that God has two adopted sons living in this house and an adopted daughter. And hopefully in not too many years, there will be another adopted son and daughter as the younger two come to understand Christ's love and sacrifice.

NIV messed up when they left out the word "begotten" from the verse. I would never describe P1 as my one and only son. I would see it as an insult from anyone who did. I have two sons and a daughter. Leaving out that one word "begotten" changes everything. For, if I am not a child of God, then who am I? No, I know I am a daughter of The King.

Yes, God SO loved the world that he gave his Only Begotten Son that whoever believes in him will not perish and have eternal life!

How much is "SO?"

So much more than we will ever know.

Merry Christmas!

Life Rituals: Not Your Traditional Traditions

Most of the activities on my Family Traditions list are Traditions of Celebration. That is they mark a holiday, season or event that we want to remember, to celebrate.

However, the last section "Any Time/All the Time" begins my thoughts on Life Rituals. These are the things we do day-to-day, week-to-week that define our family. They create the sense of belonging and security for our kids. Children thrive when they know what to expect and what is expected of them. Many of our Life Rituals create that balance in our families.

Here's some ideas for Life Rituals.

Every Day Connections

• Pray for each family member by name
• Morning snuggle & dream review
• Weekly calendar check
• Dinner together as a family atleast 4 times a week
• Call Dad at work
• I love you because ...
• Kiss good-bye; kiss hello
• Special hugs
• Long distance dinner
• Special kisses: Eskimo, butterfly, puppy
• Family trivia/quiz
• Learn each family member's Love Language and make efforts to show love to him/her that way

Bedtime

• Special "good night"
• Journal
• Sing lullabies
• Read Bible stories
• Bedtime prayers
• Routine, routine, routine

Weekends

• Go to church on Sundays
• Tour de Swingsets
• Check into a local hotel
• Stay in jammies all day
• Backyard campout
• Pizza & game night or movie night
• Movie marathon

Nature

• Picnic in park without a playground
• Planting a garden
• Visit the local farmers market
• Create a backyard habitat
• Star gazing
• Cloud gazing
• Catch (and release) bugs or other small critters

Neighbors

• Front yard dates
• Babysitting exchange
• Progressive dinner
• Block party
• Welcome cookies
• Halloween ghosting

Community

• Take your kid with you to vote
• Angel Tree or other Christmas adoption/gift giving
• Go to local parades
• Take food to Community Food Pantry
• Volunteer together: nursing home, shelter, roadside/park clean up

Global Thinking

• Globe spin research
• Ethnic food night
• Family pen pal
• Exploration walk in Spanish (or other language)
• Adopt a child in another country through Compassion International

Just for Mom

• Get a massage/facial/pedicure
• Magazine Sunday
• Candlelight bath
• Hobby night
• Mom's night out
• Library time
• Movies all alone
• Journal
• "I'm running away"

What about you? Do you have a special life ritual that enriches your family life?

A Year of Family Traditions

The holidays are quickly approaching, and that has me thinking about Family Traditions. I put this list together a few years ago when giving a presentation on traditions. Our family has tried most of the things on this list. Some are now traditions. Some did not take. The great thing about family traditions, they're a choice, not an obligation.

New Year's Day

• Set family goals/resolutions for the year
• Look at scrapbooks/photo albums from the last year
• Eat black eyed peas
• Watch football

Valentine's Day

• "I love you" Week - do little special things for each other each day leading up to Valentine's
• Make Valentines together for friends and family
• Heart shaped food - pancakes, sandwiches, cookies, etc.

Easter

• Make overnight cookies that tell the Easter story
• Make confetti eggs
• Easter Story Eggs
• Egg hunt

Spring

• Visit Dallas Blooms at the Dallas Arboretum
• Pictures in the blue bonnets
• Welcome spring walk

Memorial Day

• Put out an American Flag
• Make cards and care packages to send to troops
• Have a cook out with friends & family

Summer

• Take a family trip
• Spend evenings outside
• Catch fireflies
• Plant a garden each family member gets to pick a vegetable to plant
• Go on a summer rain walk
• Go pick blueberries

July 4th

• Go to local Independence Day Parade
• Cook out with friends & family
• Go watch fireworks (or stay in & watch the Washington, DC fireworks on t.v.)

Fall

• Go to the state fair
• Go to the zoo
• Visit the Dallas Arboretum
• Go to a pumpkin patch
• Go on a nature walk & collect leaves
• Do leaf rubbings
• Go to a fall festival together
• Collect food for local food pantry

Thanksgiving

• Pull the wishbone
• Watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade
• Say a special prayer
• Share favorite recipes with friends
• Light "Thank You" candles
• Go to a shelter and serve dinner
• Make a Thank You wreath by having everyone write down what they are thankful for on a fall leaf shape and attaching them to a grapevine wreath
• Have a posterboard up near the door the week before Thanksgiving and have everyone (even guests) write something they are thankful for everytime they come into the house.

Christmas

• Picture with Santa Claus
• Have an Advent calendar to count down the days til Christmas
• Write letters to Santa
• Get a personal elf
• Go to a Christmas tree farm and cut down a fresh tree
• Watch Christmas specials on t.v. (Be careful, not all are appropriate for young children)
• Make ornaments
• Go to Christmas shows at church or in the community
• Visit McKinney Square for Dickens of a Christmas
• Have a Tree Trimming Party
• Get a new Christmas book each year
• Write a letter to each child from Santa recognizing growth & accomplishments during the year
• The Three Gifts - each child gets three significant gifts, one from Santa and two from Mom & Dad, reminding them of the gifts the wisemen brought to Jesus.
• In early December, go through toys and books with kids to pick out items to donate to a shelter. Take kids with you to drop off the donation.
• Pick an Angel Tree child the same age as your child and let your kid do the shopping
• Attend a Christmas Eve service
• Go look at Christmas lights
• Make setting out the Nativity scene an event
• Buy a special ornament for each family member each year
• Listen to Christmas music all month long
• Read the Christmas story from the Bible
• Have an Advent wreath at home and light a new candle each week
• Keep a memory book

Birthdays/Gotcha Days

• Fill the day with the child's favorite activities
• Decorate the cake together
• Have a special plate for the birthday meal
• Give a birthday minute kiss
• Say a blessing prayer
• Tie a ribbon on a tree or have a sign for the neighbors to see

Special Meals

• New Years - black eyed peas
• Super Bowl Sunday - Chili
• Birthdays - birthday kid's favorite meal
• 4th of July - Anything on the grill
• Christmas Eve - tamales & tortilla soup
• Christmas morning - waffles
• Family reunion - barbeque

Any Time/All the Time

• Sing a good morning song
• Read bedtime stories
• Say bedtime prayers
• Ask "What was the best part of the day?"
• Messages in chalk on the driveway or sidewalk
• Great big hugs and itty bitty hugs
• One-on-one dates with Mom or Dad
• Date night for Mom & Dad
• SHMILY's (See How Much I Love You)
• Decorate the house for each season/holiday/celebration

So, what's your favorite Family Tradition?

Horrifying and Exciting, All at the Same Time

The other night we watched Jurassic Park with the boys. At the end P1 described it as "horrifying and exciting all at the same time."

I had one of those parenting moments a few days ago, a glimpse into who my child will become, "horrifying and exciting all at the same time."

P1 and I were out running errands without the littles. I let him sit in the front passenger seat so that we could have real conversation. At some point, we were talking about them (the kids) as grown ups. How siblings relate to each other as adults. How you are there for your brother & sister when they really need you (planting hopeful, prayerful seeds).

Don't remember the exact path of the conversation, but I said, "I see P2 as the guy that is a ski instructor in the mountains during the winter and a lifeguard at the beach during the summer. He loves the outdoors and loves being with people." P1 immediately said, "Well, what do you see me doing?"

Wow. Pause. Big opportunity here. To speak truth. To cast vision. Quick prayer, "God, let me say the right words." Okay, answer.

"Well, I see two possibilities. I know you will be a scientist. You have felt that call since you were a young child. So, one thing, I could see you as a researcher and teacher or professor -"

"Oh, no. No, no, no. I am NOT a teacher. That is NOT what I am going to do," he answers.

Nevermind you come from a long line of teachers, but whatever ...

"Okay. Well ... the other thing I see is you being a missionary, but I don't mean a missionary that goes just to preach and evangelize. I mean the kind of missionary that goes into a community and makes a difference, like a civil engineer, by helping them build roads or hospitals, by digging wells or -"

"OH! And as I help them dig the wells I can teach them that Jesus is the Living Water. Or if I teach them how to grow better crops, I can tell them about Jesus being the Bread of Life. I can teach them about God & His Love by helping meet their needs!"

Yep, horrifying and exciting all at the same time ... I think I just saw this kid's calling. The same kid, who at the age of 6 yrs, said, "When am I gonna get my passport? I need to go to China."

Thank You, Lord, for this child and the vision and passion for the needs of others around the world that You have given him. Please light his path and keep him close to you throughout his journey. Amen.

Reflections on 18 years of Marriage

Today is my 18th wedding anniversary with DH. Actually, almost exactly 18 years ago to this minute, my Papaw pronounced us husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs.

I can remember almost every detail of that day. Waking up early & making pancakes. Got my hair done, and it started falling out almost immediately. The frame for the bridal protrait display not working, so I had to run to Michael's with my cousin Chris. We had Arby's for lunch. Get to the church. Take pictures. Flower girl was upset because she didn't have a necklace like the big girls (love you, SB). Wedding planner was rude to some of my friends. My cousin Ralph came in just before I went down the aisle ...

It was a simple wedding, with old-fashioned ceremony & vows. At the end, Papaw said, "You may now embrace," instead of kiss. DH didn't know what he was supposed to do.

So 18 years. Not quite 20. No where close to the 60+ my grandparents shared before Papaw's passing. There's nothing significant about the 18th Anniversary, except that there is. We've beat the averages, the statistics. We have, as cliche as it is, only grown closer; love each other more deeply.

When we had been married a little less than a year, our Sunday School teacher asked if we loved our spouses unconditionally. Being a realist (and maybe a bit of a cynic). I said, "No. It wasn't possible," much to everyone's shock. I believed that there were conditions that would actually eliminate the love I felt for DH, and, therefore, "unconditional love" was not possible. 17 years later, I'm still not sure about "unconditional" but I know I'm getting closer every day.

These 18 years have not all been easy. There are New Year's when we are relieved that the old year has passed. Our first year of marriage might have been the worst. Two oldest children do not learn the art of compromise easily.

In 18 years of marriage, we have lost 2 babies, a father, a grandfather, three grandmothers, and a great-grandfather, not to mention many other friends & loved ones (and 2 cats & a dog).

We've moved 6 times. We've had 6 pets. We've gone through 15+ rounds of fertility treatments. Had an adoption fall through 6 weeks before the girl's due date. DH has had 5 jobs. I've had more jobs than I can remember. We've had 10 cars between us. We have attended, with some regularity, 5 churches.

We have argued about the same three major things at least 36 times each. We have gone to bed angry because sometimes you really do just need some sleep.

We have laughed more days than we haven't.

We have been blessed, in God's time, with three of the most amazing kids. Kids of whom we know the true value because they did not come to us easily. Kids that were gifts. Kids that keep us young and remind us that we're old. Kids for whom we know God has amazing plans.

So, after 18 years, what is there to say? I love my husband with all my heart. I thank God that he sent me to Shawnee, USA, to find the man I would call friend, partner, leader, honey, and love of my life. The man with whom I would ride this crazy rollercoaster of life.

I LOVE YOU, TIM!

Every Now & Then ...

P1 started 3rd grade this year ... at a new school. It's a great school. I think I have had daily emails from the school, the PTO &/or his teacher, starting the week before school began. That is more communication than I received from our previous school in a whole year.

As the school year approached, I had several friends stressing about their kids (their first borns) starting Kindergarten. I smiled knowingly. "Yes, yes," I thought, "you'll survive and one day be relieved when the first day of school rolls around each year." Such carrying on - the tears, the worry, the tears. You have to let your children go. From the moment they are born, you are letting them go a little at a time.

And so, P1 walked to school the first day with his dad, taking his bike so he could ride home. How great not to fight the carpool line each morning & afternoon! How wonderful to not have to wake Sweet P up from nap when it's time for the end of the school day! P1's good. I'm good.

Then the second day ... he got on his bike, helmet on, backpack on. And I watched him ride away. I watched him until he turned the corner. And then ... well ... it hit me. A wave of panic, worry, fear. And yes, even a tear rolled down my cheek. How do I know he got to school? Did I check the Registered Sex Offender list for the neighborhood yet? Would it ever occur to him to skip school? How quickly would the school call if he wasn't there (it was late afternoon at our old school)? ARGH!

And I hear a little whisper, "Suzanne, you have to let your children go. A little at a time. This is just another one of those moments." Oh, yeah.

And because God has a terrific sense of timing, I'm co-leading a moms' Bible study starting in a couple of weeks, on Stormie O'Martian's Power of a Praying Parent. All about handing your children over to God.

Yep. Every now & then, God has to shout a little before I can hear His gentle whispers.

Sweet P's Adoption Story

It's another long one. Enjoy ~

Sweet P's story starts a little over a year ago. I was visiting with DH's dad one afternoon at their apartment between his hospital stays (they were living here in McKinney during his cancer battle/treatments). He said, "I had a dream last night that y'all had two daughters." I said, "Lord, no! That's never gonna happen." I decided (in my need to bring peace & spiritual light to the terrible situation) that the two girls were the two babies we lost to miscarriage visiting him so he would know who they were when he got to Heaven.

I really tho't we were done, after all we're getting close to 40 & all. But sometime after FIL passed away, DH said, "I think we should adopt another child." I promptly said NO! And then God spoke to my heart. I was completely preoccupied about this possibility of another child. So on Thanksgiving, I asked DH if he was serious, and before the end of the year we had contacted the same agency that bro't us P2.

We had finished all the paperwork by February, and then settled in to wait. We stated a preference for a boy because we had all boy stuff - clothes, bedding, toys, etc., but I told one of my cousins, "Obviously, if God sends us a girl, we're not going to say no."

A bunch of random details that led to Sweet P's arrival - In late April, we started thinking about buying a house with more yard. I actually fell in love with one, but DH said, "We can't afford an adoption & a move in the same year." I didn't know it then, but DH prayed that he needed to know if we were going to get a baby, preferably sooner rather than later. On May 3, the boys were having one of their days when their "male-ness" was all over the place. Having my fill of testosterone, I said, "That's it, I'm calling the agency & requesting a girl," and we all laughed. On May 5, a friend (mother of 3 boys) & I went out for coffee mostly to bemoan - I mean celebrate our status as mother of boys, sharing story after story of the boys we are trying to grow into godly men.

On May 6 at 4:30pm, the agency called. The conversation went like this:
Hello.
Oh! I'm so glad you answered the phone.
What's going on?
You put down on your application that you were willing to take a multi-racial child.
What kind of multi-racial did you mean?
Why? What have you got?
A little girl was born this morning. She's half Korean and half African American.
Healthy. But you are the only family we have willing to take a multi-racial child.
(Did she say born this morning?) Okay, let me call DH.
The birthmom's about 80% sure she's going to place. I'll call you after I meet with her.
Okay. Sounds good.

I'm sure more was said, but that's the jist. We talked with the agency that evening. The brithmother wanted to sleep on it, so did DH for that matter. We didn't say anything to the boys. I alerted a few of my prayer warrior friends, and that was all we told. The agent sent us a picture taken with her cell phone. Even on that poor quality picture, it was obvious she was gorgeous.

The next morning, we sent P1 to school like everything was normal and DH left for work. At 8:30am, the agency called, "Okay, she's decided to place. She wants to meet you between 1 & 2pm." So exciting! I called DH and started to get myself presentable and arranged to take P2 to my folks.

A little after 9am, the agency called back, "If the baby has a healthy, she's going home today." Excuse me?! This is a whole different thing. It's one thing to get myself ready to meet the birthmom & baby. It's another thing to be ready to bring a baby home. I sprang into action: found the cradle & bedding (she'd just have to live with blue bumper pads); found the infant car seat, cleaned it & installed it; called a friend who had a little girl looking for clothes - the child didn't need to come home naked; talked sister into coming to clean my house, knowing people would be coming by; went & got P1 from school; stopped at the mall to get a gift for the birthmom; dropped the boys at my folks; and met DH at the hospital by 2:15pm.

We met the birthmother & got to visit with her for over an hour. She already had children from 2 previous marriages and said she always knew God wanted her to place this child, that her mistake would bless someone else. She had been adopted from Korea by an American couple when she was a baby.

Sweet P was released from the hospital about 6:30pm. We just showed up at my folks without telling them what was going on, although they had their suspicions. Again by the time we got home, there were balloons & signs, diapers & clothes. By the end of the next day, there was more pink in my house that I ever would have imagined possible.

We are so blessed with these 3 beautiful children that God has given us to raise.

P2's Adoption Story

I've had some requests recently for our younger kids' adoption stories. Here's P2's story, it's a long one, sorry:

After 2 miscarriages (Nov 03 and Mar 04) & too many rounds of fertility drugs, I couldn't ride that hormonal roller coaster any more. After much prayer, we decided to apply to adopt through a small, Christian agency in Dallas. We turned all the paperwork & home study stuff by Jun 05 and waited.

On Mar 11, 2006, we were having P1's birthday party with family. DH's mom asked if I would loan some of my baby equipment to one of their cousins (19 yrs old, hubby in army, no money) who was due early April. I, very begrudgingly, gave away my baby swing, stroller, exersaucer, bouncy seat, etc. Not the absolutely necessary pieces, just all the extras. They smoked, so I told DH's mom I didn't want any of it back. She said, "Well, when you get a baby, it'll probably be our last grandkid, so I'll want to buy you lots of new stuff."

On Mar 12, we (DH, P1 & I) left to go on a mission trip to do some hurricane clean up at a Baptist camp in East Texas with some friends & their parents & a bunch of couples their parents' age.

On Mar 13, the men were all working hard on building repairs & tree clean up. The other mom & I took the boys on a walk thru the camp grounds to pick up all the trash. In the afternoon, we had a small party for P1 since it was his actual birthday. That evening we were in our cabin, playing with some of P1's birthday stuff, winding down for an early bedtime, when our friend's mom knocked on the door. "You've got to call DH's mom immediately. It's an emergency."

We panicked, and DH used her phone to call home. All I could hear was his mom yelling into the phone, "You've got to call Andrea now about a baby!" And that was it - P2 had been born that morning, on P1's 5th birthday - all 5 1/2 pounds of him. Of course, the annoying thing was that everyone knew we had a baby before we did. But, that's really small compared to the greatness of the moment.

After lots of phone calls and very little sleep, we left for the hospital (south of Fort Worth) early the next morning. Because God has a way of making some things almost too easy. P2 was born in the town where my cousin & fam live. We could stay with them until P2 was ready to come home. P1 could stay & play with his cousins rather than sit up at the hospital. And they had an infant car seat and preemie-size boy clothes that we could borrow (their twins are a few months younger than P1).

So like I said, almost too easy. P2's birth mother walked out of the hospital AMA before we arrived and dropped off the radar. Because she tested positive for speed, she was told she had to place the child for adoption or he would go into foster care. She chose adoption. The hospital connected her with our agency. They brought her two family profile books. She chose us because we lived in Texas (the other family lived in OK). She signed a contract with the agency identifying us as her choice of families, but she couldn't sign the papers to relinquish her rights until 48 hours after giving birth. She had an appointment to come do that & didn't show up. She wouldn't answer her phone. The CPS caseworker went to her house & she wouldn't come to the door.

We couldn't take P2 home until those papers were signed. The nurses in the nursery made up reasons to keep him one more day, but he was going to be discharged Thursday no matter what. If she didn't sign the papers, he would go into foster care. We prayed & cried & held on to that baby, knowing he was ours. With 2 hours to go before he was to be discharged, we got a call that the police had been called to the home for a domestic disturbance. CPS was called because there were children in the home. She knew we needed her signature on the paperwork and convinced the police to hold them there at the home until our agency caseworker could get there. Andrea said that was the first time she'd had the relinquishing papers signed on the back of a police car. As soon as they were signed, they called and told us he was ours officially.

The amazing thing was even though P2 was tiny, he never showed any signs of being a drug baby. The nurses said he acted like a preemie but not like a drug baby. He is a very healthy kid.

So that's P2's amazing story - the best birthday present P1 ever got.

Crossing a New Bridge - What to do with this GT kid

It has been obvious for a long time that P1 was smarter than average, that he often saw things from a different perspective, and that he tho't a little deeper than most kids his age.



At the end of his 3 yr old preschool year (he was barely 4), his teacher said that he could start kindergarten now & be just fine. At the end of pre-K, his teacher said that he will likely be bored in kindergarten.



He might have been, but he had an excellent kindergarten teacher. She adapted lessons for him, sent him to 1st grade for reading group, sent home 1st grade homework instead of wasting his time on kinder homework, started him reading chapter books (it hadn't even occurred to me). Even so, on Christmas break, he said that he was done with kindergarten & ready to start 1st grade. He was probably right, but that's not how public school works. Fortunately, he was admitted to the GT program. That one hour a week made a big difference.



And then 1st grade was lousy. Enough said.



I was hopeful for 2nd grade because P1's Kind. teacher moved to 2nd grade last year. How perfect! She already knows him. She's already succeeded with him. When I turned in my request to have her as a teacher, I said to myself (& maybe my sister), "If he doesn't get Mrs. G, I'm gonna push for him to move to 3rd grade," not really thinking it was even a possibility.



So, 2or 3 weeks ago, I was on the school's website I noticed Mrs. G wasn't listed on the 2nd grade team. AAARGH! Panic, rapid heartbeat, freak out, etc.



Did I really mean it that I'd push to skip to 3rd? What now?

I went & had P1's reading & math levels assessed at KnowledgePoints. After the reading assessment (she gave him the 3rd grade test), the assessor said, "You have some decisions to make." She suggested home schooling because "public school won't be able to keep up with him."

As P1 had heard us discussing the dilemma, he said, "Promise me you won't home school me." I know it wouldn't be the ideal for him. He thrives in the school environment. He's so social and enjoys the independence away from Mom & Dad.

So, I have a child entering 2nd grade who:
- Has a conversational vocabulary of a 10 ½ year old
- Reads & comprehends on a 5th-6th grade level
- Works math word problems on a 6th grade level
- Does math computations on a 3+ grade level, and is gaining ground quickly as he learns to multiply & divide. He has also started pre-Algebra lessons.
- Took the 2006 3rd grade TAKS test & got 34/36 correct on the reading, and 35/40 correct on the math (only missing the problems with terms he has not been introduced to yet)

Besides all this, he’s GT. He sees things differently. He solves problems differently. He is decidedly outside the box. What can we do to keep this child engaged in school?

We meet with his principal tomorrow to discuss it. I hope she's ready for him.

What a difference some sleep makes!

Big announcement - Sweet P is sleeping thru the nite! And, therefore, I am, too. I can't believe how much I've gotten done in the last few days. And the only real life change is that I'm getting some sleep.

Confession, I'm a messy person. Those who know me have just busted out laughing at the understatement. It's not nasty messy. My house doesn't smell. But there is no organization to my life. There is junk everywhere. It really feels like nothing has a home. If I clean off the bar, at least some part of it just gets moved to the desk in the office. If I clean out the office, some of it lands in the hallway upstairs. I never get all of my house clean.

So, I'm doing it now. Bit by bit. Ruthlessly eliminating "stuff" from every room, closet & corner. I'm putting stuff to be eliminated in a bathroom that we don't use. I'm going to have a garage sale as soon as it cools off some - that'll be what? November here in Texas?

Reflective moment - Make that a whiny moment

A friend's dad passed away this morning (sonofwhale.wordpress.com). It has me in a very strange mood. It wasn't that long ago that we lost my FIL to cancer (jtscancer.wordpress.com). We're still crossing each significant date with renewed mourning & rememberance.

MIL & FIL's anniversary is coming up. I remember last year on their anniversary he was in a rehab hospital and unable to do anything for her. Unfortunately, my Papaw passed away just days before, so we were unavailable to help them celebrate. MIL knows how much he loved her even though he had a hard time showing it sometimes. Aside from his faith in God, she was his rock.

Man, there has been a lot of loss this year. Of course there has also been some amazing blessings - one in particular, little miss Sweet P.

But even blessings bring stressors. Adding up stress points from the Holmes Stress Point Scale, over the last year, I'm sitting around 350. I think if you go over 200 in one year, it's not good.

And DH's job is requiring too many hours these days. And my house is a wreck. And my two year old is - well, he's two. I've got my first sinus infection since having sinus surgery in April. P1 is still recovering from his sinus surgery 2 weeks ago. And ... wah, wah, wah ...

I really wanted to take a moment to reflect on what kind of legacy I want to leave my kids. Reading about "Whale" & his family, makes me hope I make even half of the impact that he and his wife clearly made with their kids. Instead, I've fallen into a piss & moan session.

Maybe another night I will be more inspired.

Blessings to all.

If you visited our house ...

Come on in and enjoy the visit.

You would see: Stroller, infant carseat, & more pink than there used to be (thanks to Sweet P); a bar covered in papers & misc items; shoes on the stairs; pics of kids all over walls; window blinds wide open, allowing in as much light as possible.

We’d probably feed you: fruit snacks, seasonal fruit, chips & salsa, or string cheese - if you'll be here for a meal, there's a Wendy's near by.

And offer you this to drink: milk, water, oj or Diet Coke - sometimes there's sweet tea from Chicken Express.

We’d undoubtedly ask if you’d read: Chronicles of Narnia, Magic Treehouse books, or any good Dr. Seuss.

We’d want to play this music for you: The Father's Day cd we made for DH with lots of good dad songs.

We’d want to tell you the latest about: Pokemon; Wii; Nintendo DS; Go, Diego, Go!

We’d probably suggest a game of: Soccer; Life Twists & Turns; Blokus; Pokemon

We might show off: P1 & P2's new space room; our backyard with deck & actual grass

We might get on the computer and show you: latest pics of the kids; Webkins; bigfishgames.com

If it was a long enough visit, we might: go on a walk around the neighborhood or head to the local park.


Y'all come back, now. You hear.