Can we all agree ... no more Mommy Guilt?

If I had one message for moms ... stop feeling guilty. I see it everywhere. Moms seem to be trapped in a life of "should have's," feeling like they don't measure up, like they are failing at the greatest and most challenging job on earth - raising our kids.

I saw it in my own mom. When I went off to college, my mom gave me a letter apologizing for her failure as a mother. I couldn't believe it. How had she failed? Here I was at college, on an academic scholarship. I graduated from high school with honors and perfect attendance. I became a Christian when I was six. As I went to college, I was an active member of a new mission church (thot would become one of the most influencial churches in America). I had friends. I had enough self-confidence to go to college out of state.

The truth is, I thought that somehow I was a disappointment to her, if she thought she was a failure as a mother. Was my mom a failure? By no means. But the guilt she felt over not being the "perfect" mom, overshadowed her whole mothering experience, robbing her of mony joyous moments motherhood can bring.

I knew as a young woman, a young mom, I didn't want to have that mindset. But how do you avoid it?

Almost as soon as the child arrives, you start comparing him to other babies. I gave birth to my first child the same week two of my other friends gave birth to their first borns. There was plenty to compare and contrast.

As toddlerhood approached, I wondered if my floors would ever be clean again (ever step on a Goldfish cracker or a Froot Loop?). Was I spending enough time with my child? Was I doing the right things with/for my child? Was it okay that he always crawled under the table when we went out to eat? The mommy guilt can set in very quickly.

Add two more kids to the mix ... and I know my floors will never be clean. And that's OKAY.

More on this later ... my kids are calling me to play Wii. And I'm starting to feel guilty for spending time on the computer rather than playing with them.

My Christmas Book Library

Special books that come out of storage only a Christmas time is one of my favorite Christmas traditions. My mom did this for us as children, and I think I've taken it to the extreme.

After sharing a few of my favorite Christmas books with some ladies recently, they asked if I had others I'd recommend. Do I ever!

Hope you find a new favorite on the list. And if you have a favorite I don't list, share it with me please. I'm always looking for new additions.

THE CHILDREN'S CHRISTMAS BOOKS

Classics:
The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clark Moore
The Poky Little Puppy's First Christmas by Justine Korman
It's his first Christmas, but Poky already shows true Christmas spirit.
The Sweet Smell of Christmas by Patricia Scarry
A Scratch & Sniff book, where Little Bear smells Christmas is on the way.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Suess

The True Meaning of Christmas:
The Cripple Lamb by Max Lucado
A beautiful story of a lonely lamb who discovers the purpose and place God has for him.
The Story of Christmas by Patricia A Pingry
A terrific board book with the basic story of the first Christmas.
My Christmas Stocking (Filled with God's Love) by Crystal Bowman
A simple board book explaining the tradition of St. Nick and stockings.
Who is Coming to Our House? by Joseph Slate
The animals prepare for Mary and Joseph to arrive at the stable and welcome Baby Jesus.
God Gave Us Christmas by Lisa Tawn Bergen
Mama Bear takes Cub on a walk to find the real meaning of Christmas.
The First Christmas by Carol Heyer
Beautiful, realistic illustrations and the telling of the Christmas Story.
The Newborn King by Gaylyn Williams
Eight short devotions about Christmas with a memory verse for each day and a prayer, song or activity to do together.
Do You See What I See ... by Sandi Gore Evans and Amanda Evans
A lonely snowman and his animal friends follow the star to find Baby Jesus.
Mortimer's Christmas Manger by Karma Wilson
A little mouse moves into the family's nativity scene moving all the figurines out of the way, but when he hears the story of Baby Jesus, he makes room for the Baby.
What Nick and Holly Found in Grandpa's Attic by Melody Carlson
Nick and Holly find unique treasures in the attic and Grandpa uses each one to teach them truths about Christmas.
One Wintry Night by Ruth Bell Graham
Probably the most beautifully written and illustrated telling of the Christmas story. She starts with Adam and Eve and the reason Christmas was needed in the first place.
The Legend of the Christmas Tree by Rick Osborne
The Legend of the Candy Cane by Lori Walburg

Other Favorites:
The Secret Santa of Olde Stonington by Mark Kimball Moulton
A mysterious man shows up in a struggling seaside community and makes all the difference at Christmastime.
Mouse's First Christmas by Lauren Thompson
A cute simple story full of the images of Christmas.
The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg
Do you believe in the magic of Christmas?

For Older Kids:
The Christmas Cross by Max Lucado
A man goes on a trip in search of information about his birthmother. He discovers the truth of Christmas, God's love and redemption.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson
The Light at Tern Rock by Julia L. Sauer
While taking care of a lighthouse during the Christmas season, a boy and his aunt offer their best to Christ.
The Drummer Boy by Ted Dekker
In a future where Christmas is no longer spoken of, a boy finds the original little drummer boy's drum and cannot be silenced as he plays the drum for Christ.
The Spyglass and The Christmas Candle by Richard Paul Evans

MY CHRISTMAS BOOKS

Must Read Every Christmas:
Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado
Christmas from Gabriel's point of view. AMAZING.

Fun/Touching Christmas Fiction:
The Autobiography of Santa Claus; How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas; The Great Santa Search by Jeff Guinn
Full of history and lessons on Christmas traditions, Santa tells his real story in this set of books.
The Christmas Tree by Julie Salamon
A story about finding the Christmas tree for Rockefeller Center. In his search, the man finds so much more.
The Christmas Wish by Richard Siddoway
A mystery full of Christmas love.
All of Richard Paul Evans' books

Books about/full of Christmas Traditions:
The ADVENTure of Christmas by Lisa Whelchel
Lisa explains the Christian significance behind all our Christmas traditions
The Little Big Book of Christmas Edited by Lena Tabori
A collection of all things Christmas
A Family Christmas by Caroline Kennedy
Another compellation of songs, stories, poems, etc. that celebrate Christmas.

One word makes such a difference.

As a mom of biological and adopted children, I have winced at the question, "Are they all yours?" Yes, they are all mine. God always knew they would be my children. God always knew DH & I would be their parents. He always knew exactly what our family would look like. He always knew that adoption is the greatest thing ever.

I grew up in church. Became a Christian at the age of six. I understood my sinful nature and Christ's sacrifice to redeem me. I knew the price that was paid, and I knew that I was an adopted child of God. But I did not know the power of ADOPTION until we adopted our two youngest.

Did you know that in biblical times, a father could disown his biological children, leaving them nothing, giving no blessing, but by law, he was not allowed to disown an adopted child. Adoption is serious, life-long commitment of love ... LIFE-LONG.

So, now we get down to that "one word," and it's not "adoption" although that one word does make a world of difference.

P1 is participating in Bible Drill this year through our church. They memorize the NIV version of their Bible verses. A challenge sometimes for this mom that learned her verses in King James as a child.

This last week's verse was John 3:16. What a great verse to have at the start of the Christmas season! And he quoted the NIV version: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

I think this version of this verse must hurt God's heart. His one and only son? I know for a fact that God has two adopted sons living in this house and an adopted daughter. And hopefully in not too many years, there will be another adopted son and daughter as the younger two come to understand Christ's love and sacrifice.

NIV messed up when they left out the word "begotten" from the verse. I would never describe P1 as my one and only son. I would see it as an insult from anyone who did. I have two sons and a daughter. Leaving out that one word "begotten" changes everything. For, if I am not a child of God, then who am I? No, I know I am a daughter of The King.

Yes, God SO loved the world that he gave his Only Begotten Son that whoever believes in him will not perish and have eternal life!

How much is "SO?"

So much more than we will ever know.

Merry Christmas!

Life Rituals: Not Your Traditional Traditions

Most of the activities on my Family Traditions list are Traditions of Celebration. That is they mark a holiday, season or event that we want to remember, to celebrate.

However, the last section "Any Time/All the Time" begins my thoughts on Life Rituals. These are the things we do day-to-day, week-to-week that define our family. They create the sense of belonging and security for our kids. Children thrive when they know what to expect and what is expected of them. Many of our Life Rituals create that balance in our families.

Here's some ideas for Life Rituals.

Every Day Connections

• Pray for each family member by name
• Morning snuggle & dream review
• Weekly calendar check
• Dinner together as a family atleast 4 times a week
• Call Dad at work
• I love you because ...
• Kiss good-bye; kiss hello
• Special hugs
• Long distance dinner
• Special kisses: Eskimo, butterfly, puppy
• Family trivia/quiz
• Learn each family member's Love Language and make efforts to show love to him/her that way

Bedtime

• Special "good night"
• Journal
• Sing lullabies
• Read Bible stories
• Bedtime prayers
• Routine, routine, routine

Weekends

• Go to church on Sundays
• Tour de Swingsets
• Check into a local hotel
• Stay in jammies all day
• Backyard campout
• Pizza & game night or movie night
• Movie marathon

Nature

• Picnic in park without a playground
• Planting a garden
• Visit the local farmers market
• Create a backyard habitat
• Star gazing
• Cloud gazing
• Catch (and release) bugs or other small critters

Neighbors

• Front yard dates
• Babysitting exchange
• Progressive dinner
• Block party
• Welcome cookies
• Halloween ghosting

Community

• Take your kid with you to vote
• Angel Tree or other Christmas adoption/gift giving
• Go to local parades
• Take food to Community Food Pantry
• Volunteer together: nursing home, shelter, roadside/park clean up

Global Thinking

• Globe spin research
• Ethnic food night
• Family pen pal
• Exploration walk in Spanish (or other language)
• Adopt a child in another country through Compassion International

Just for Mom

• Get a massage/facial/pedicure
• Magazine Sunday
• Candlelight bath
• Hobby night
• Mom's night out
• Library time
• Movies all alone
• Journal
• "I'm running away"

What about you? Do you have a special life ritual that enriches your family life?

A Year of Family Traditions

The holidays are quickly approaching, and that has me thinking about Family Traditions. I put this list together a few years ago when giving a presentation on traditions. Our family has tried most of the things on this list. Some are now traditions. Some did not take. The great thing about family traditions, they're a choice, not an obligation.

New Year's Day

• Set family goals/resolutions for the year
• Look at scrapbooks/photo albums from the last year
• Eat black eyed peas
• Watch football

Valentine's Day

• "I love you" Week - do little special things for each other each day leading up to Valentine's
• Make Valentines together for friends and family
• Heart shaped food - pancakes, sandwiches, cookies, etc.

Easter

• Make overnight cookies that tell the Easter story
• Make confetti eggs
• Easter Story Eggs
• Egg hunt

Spring

• Visit Dallas Blooms at the Dallas Arboretum
• Pictures in the blue bonnets
• Welcome spring walk

Memorial Day

• Put out an American Flag
• Make cards and care packages to send to troops
• Have a cook out with friends & family

Summer

• Take a family trip
• Spend evenings outside
• Catch fireflies
• Plant a garden each family member gets to pick a vegetable to plant
• Go on a summer rain walk
• Go pick blueberries

July 4th

• Go to local Independence Day Parade
• Cook out with friends & family
• Go watch fireworks (or stay in & watch the Washington, DC fireworks on t.v.)

Fall

• Go to the state fair
• Go to the zoo
• Visit the Dallas Arboretum
• Go to a pumpkin patch
• Go on a nature walk & collect leaves
• Do leaf rubbings
• Go to a fall festival together
• Collect food for local food pantry

Thanksgiving

• Pull the wishbone
• Watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade
• Say a special prayer
• Share favorite recipes with friends
• Light "Thank You" candles
• Go to a shelter and serve dinner
• Make a Thank You wreath by having everyone write down what they are thankful for on a fall leaf shape and attaching them to a grapevine wreath
• Have a posterboard up near the door the week before Thanksgiving and have everyone (even guests) write something they are thankful for everytime they come into the house.

Christmas

• Picture with Santa Claus
• Have an Advent calendar to count down the days til Christmas
• Write letters to Santa
• Get a personal elf
• Go to a Christmas tree farm and cut down a fresh tree
• Watch Christmas specials on t.v. (Be careful, not all are appropriate for young children)
• Make ornaments
• Go to Christmas shows at church or in the community
• Visit McKinney Square for Dickens of a Christmas
• Have a Tree Trimming Party
• Get a new Christmas book each year
• Write a letter to each child from Santa recognizing growth & accomplishments during the year
• The Three Gifts - each child gets three significant gifts, one from Santa and two from Mom & Dad, reminding them of the gifts the wisemen brought to Jesus.
• In early December, go through toys and books with kids to pick out items to donate to a shelter. Take kids with you to drop off the donation.
• Pick an Angel Tree child the same age as your child and let your kid do the shopping
• Attend a Christmas Eve service
• Go look at Christmas lights
• Make setting out the Nativity scene an event
• Buy a special ornament for each family member each year
• Listen to Christmas music all month long
• Read the Christmas story from the Bible
• Have an Advent wreath at home and light a new candle each week
• Keep a memory book

Birthdays/Gotcha Days

• Fill the day with the child's favorite activities
• Decorate the cake together
• Have a special plate for the birthday meal
• Give a birthday minute kiss
• Say a blessing prayer
• Tie a ribbon on a tree or have a sign for the neighbors to see

Special Meals

• New Years - black eyed peas
• Super Bowl Sunday - Chili
• Birthdays - birthday kid's favorite meal
• 4th of July - Anything on the grill
• Christmas Eve - tamales & tortilla soup
• Christmas morning - waffles
• Family reunion - barbeque

Any Time/All the Time

• Sing a good morning song
• Read bedtime stories
• Say bedtime prayers
• Ask "What was the best part of the day?"
• Messages in chalk on the driveway or sidewalk
• Great big hugs and itty bitty hugs
• One-on-one dates with Mom or Dad
• Date night for Mom & Dad
• SHMILY's (See How Much I Love You)
• Decorate the house for each season/holiday/celebration

So, what's your favorite Family Tradition?

Horrifying and Exciting, All at the Same Time

The other night we watched Jurassic Park with the boys. At the end P1 described it as "horrifying and exciting all at the same time."

I had one of those parenting moments a few days ago, a glimpse into who my child will become, "horrifying and exciting all at the same time."

P1 and I were out running errands without the littles. I let him sit in the front passenger seat so that we could have real conversation. At some point, we were talking about them (the kids) as grown ups. How siblings relate to each other as adults. How you are there for your brother & sister when they really need you (planting hopeful, prayerful seeds).

Don't remember the exact path of the conversation, but I said, "I see P2 as the guy that is a ski instructor in the mountains during the winter and a lifeguard at the beach during the summer. He loves the outdoors and loves being with people." P1 immediately said, "Well, what do you see me doing?"

Wow. Pause. Big opportunity here. To speak truth. To cast vision. Quick prayer, "God, let me say the right words." Okay, answer.

"Well, I see two possibilities. I know you will be a scientist. You have felt that call since you were a young child. So, one thing, I could see you as a researcher and teacher or professor -"

"Oh, no. No, no, no. I am NOT a teacher. That is NOT what I am going to do," he answers.

Nevermind you come from a long line of teachers, but whatever ...

"Okay. Well ... the other thing I see is you being a missionary, but I don't mean a missionary that goes just to preach and evangelize. I mean the kind of missionary that goes into a community and makes a difference, like a civil engineer, by helping them build roads or hospitals, by digging wells or -"

"OH! And as I help them dig the wells I can teach them that Jesus is the Living Water. Or if I teach them how to grow better crops, I can tell them about Jesus being the Bread of Life. I can teach them about God & His Love by helping meet their needs!"

Yep, horrifying and exciting all at the same time ... I think I just saw this kid's calling. The same kid, who at the age of 6 yrs, said, "When am I gonna get my passport? I need to go to China."

Thank You, Lord, for this child and the vision and passion for the needs of others around the world that You have given him. Please light his path and keep him close to you throughout his journey. Amen.